Things are heating up!
You know you’re about to get lucky and it’s going to make your day! But then you suddenly remember a bad joke you heard the other day ….do you say it, right before you’re going to get some???
NO!
Terrible idea.
Here’s a list of 75 things you MUST avoid if you want to get lucky …ever:
1. Food stuck in your teeth
2. Ask to be called weird/different names
3. High 5
4. Talking too much
5. Being selfish
6. Spanking too hard
7. Bad music (200bmp techno / Weird Al)
8. Avoiding eye contact
9. TOO much eye contact
10. Avoid kissing
11. Bad/sloppy kissing
12. Bad breathe
13. Stinky BO
14. Bad conversation
15. Saying ‘I love you’ for the first time or repeatedly
16. Talking about an ex
17. Making goofy sex faces
18. Trying S & M unless you both know about it
19. Obvious lies / too much flattery
20. Being obsessive
21. Talk about your number
22. Talk about your mother
23. Saying ‘my ex used to…’
24. Answer the phone
25. Answer the phone THEN walk around to talk
26. Constantly asking if it feels good
27. Using the term ‘not bad’ ‘okay’ or ‘pretty good’
28. Heavy/weird movies (Shawshank Redemption / American Psycho)
29. Remember you need to call someone back …and do it.
30. Crying
31. Laughing maniacally
32. Not making any sounds
33. Laying perfectly still
34. Showing NO emotion
35. Not grooming yourself down there
36. Grooming a weird shape/name down there
37. Flatulence
38. Burping
39. Yawning
40. Texting
41. Watch TV
42. Play video games
43. Listen to your ipod
44. Roll your eyes
45. Lack of enthusiasm
46. Too much enthusiasm
47. Trying to hide your naked body
48. Refusing positions
49. Pushing each other’s head down to …you know
50. Be too drunk
51. Last too long
52. Not last long enough
53. Fake it
54. One way conversation
55. Ask ‘who’s your daddy’ or ‘who’s the queen’
56. Not enough foreplay
57. Too much foreplay
58. Saying someone else’s name
59. Not being able to get in the mood
60. Explain you have a foot fetish for the first time
61. Eat food
62. Stare at yourself in the mirror
63. Bath in cologne/perfume
64. Always asking for permission
65. Hard biting
66. Tugging (body parts OR clothes)
67. Tell jokes
68. Impressions
69. Role-play too seriously
70. Reveal embarrassing fantasies (Lord of the Rings?)
71. Bad costumes, ie: a tutu …on him
72. Bad metaphors ‘Time to park the limo in the garage’
73. Say ‘Déjà vu’
74. Stop to go to the bathroom
75. Strange/random compliment ‘you have really white teeth’
There you have it! 75 things that can completely ruin the mood.
If you have your own funny or serious mood-killers, please contribute in the comments section below!
Evan Michaels
