Is Your Man Intimidated By Your Vibrator?
Close your eyes and imagine if you will….
It’s a warm summer evening and you are all alone.
You finally have a moment to yourself. The only sound you hear is the hum, hum, hum of your vibrator. No man around. And why is this so great? There’s no underwear to pick up from the floor, no toilet seat that’s been left up, no unbelievably loud gaseous emissions from him that you can hear from the next room! What a fantasy!
The reality is something different.
You have a partner, and while he is a terrific guy, you still love your little electric pal (or not so little as the case may be!). You decide that perhaps you can introduce your vibrator into your relationship and that your partner will find this not only erotic, but tons of fun.
So there you are, trying to make both your partner and your vibrator feels welcome in your bed. Your guy doesn’t object – at least not out loud – when you introduce the notion of “playing,” but something seems wrong.
Any hopes of the two of them getting along are quickly dashed when you hear, “Why do you need that thing? You have me. Aren’t I enough to satisfy you?”
Try as you may, it is not easy to explain this.
So why do we like vibrators? Well, let’s face it. Size does matter, and vibrators come in all sizes! They last longer than your average male, and that, in turn, makes multiple orgasms more possible. Plus then there’s the “I don’t have to brush my teeth, shave my legs, and please you so I can get what I want and be done with it.”
Yet, it’s important to note that vibrators will never be a good substitute for real love and intimacy. Yep, it sure can pack a wallop and give you, let’s say, tremendous relief. And if you have an adventurous partner, it can be a great addition to your sexual life. But it can’t keep you warm at night and it is not the least bit interested in hearing why you lost your job today.
Why are men intimidated by this electrical object? Believe it or not, some men see the vibrator as competition. It might actually be bigger than him, and you may give the impression that you are more satisfied with its performance than you are with his. What if you are using it while having sex with your partner, and the vibrator gets more physical and verbal reaction than he does?
If I have to be honest about this, I have to say that I do understand why men might be a little insecure about a woman’s use of a vibrator. And before you go and say that’s silly, let’s think this over.
Men are conditioned to believe that they must perform sexually and that it has to be good – every time!
No one takes the time to explain to men that there is more to making love than the actual act. If you don’t believe me, then think about the jokes made about men and sex. The jokes are almost always about size, performance, or lack thereof, and staying power. If he knows you use a vibrator, and feels that you are more sexually pleased with it than him, you have, in effect, kicked him in the balls! If I had to listen to all that they do, I’d be a bit anxious about my performance, too!
Men do need to understand, however, that most women, if they have one, are not going to give up their vibrators. And why should they? But women need to understand that if they want to make room in their lives for both their partners and their vibrators, there’s work to be done.
First, try explaining to your man that a vibrator is simply an object – it is used for masturbation, plain and simple, much like a man’s hands. (At least then you have leveled the playing field a bit!) Whatever brings you pleasure should make him happy. What if that doesn’t work?
Assure him that at the end of the day, he is what you really want. He is whom you really love. He is the one who makes your heart skip a beat (And no, this isn’t the time to jokingly tell him that, “Of course, there’s been times when Old Faithful there in the drawer made my heart skip a beat, too!”) Your vibrator is just something fun to have around and to use. And what if that doesn’t work?
Try the old “this can be fun for you, too” routine. Ask him to use it on you, but make sure you praise him for his finesse with it, not the vibrator’s! That doesn’t work either?
Though it may seem harsh, you’ve got three options:
- Buy him his own toy so that you both can feel the “vibe,” if you know what I mean.
- Don’t use it when he is around. You don’t have to lie about it, but if it bothers him that much, show his some respect and use it discreetly.
- Tell him to get over it! This ain’t no competition and you aren’t going to be forced to choose one over the other. Besides, if you are forced, he might not like your choice!
By: Tara A.